Yesterday, the Pacifica schools community pulled together, with the help of Kelley and all of our friends, to hold the public memorial for our good friend Tony Corten.

It was truly touching to see a high school gym completely filled with the teachers, staff, and families who knew Tony during his 17 years teaching and in school management.

There were so many sweet remembrances and, of course, performances of Beatles songs. Some of the children from the school where he was principal (Ocean Shore Elementary) sang “In My Life,” which made everyone tear up.

At the entrance, there were multiple big poster boards of messages the kids and adults have been writing about Tony. He was such a big personality, such a favorite of all the kids, and you could tell the outpouring of love was genuine and effusive.

Of course, it ended with the treat Tony was known for bringing to every party (and of which he has a tattoo): Boxes of pink sprinkle doughnuts.

Most touching, for me, was Erin’s speech, which she ended with, “I know that Tony had been deeply stressed lately. He was more blue, and more distant… I wish I had not been intimidated by his sadness, and insisted that he open up to me, or Kelley, or somebody. I know I’m not alone in feeling this way. Tony’s last gift to us is to have the resolve to check in more on each other. To ask difficult questions. To offer hugs, hold on a little closer, to be more tender and patient with little children, and our brothers and sisters in life. To ask how everyone is doing, and really listen closely for the answer. That is his gift to us…. Your death made it more clear to us than ever that we are the fabric that holds us together.”

After the public memorial, Stacey and Stef were kind enough to hold a gathering at their house in Pacifica, just for our chosen family, so that we could remind each other to do just that. I’m sure we will do even more of it at the private memorial coming up in a couple weeks.